Modern Neighbors

AOG, Madrid

The cool thing about growing up in America is that most of us (not all) live in homes large enough to house a small third world village in the backyard. It is one of the perks of living in a large country and of growing up in a place where most people rather live in a house than in an apartment or a flat. Of course, places like New York, or Chicago do tend to combine high-rise living with houses or town-houses.

However, this was not the case with me growing up in Texas. My home had a front-yard and a backyard. And my bedroom alone was larger than my entire ‘modern euro-studio’ in central Madrid. And no, I’m not exaggerating.

I have to say that ever since I moved to Europe, I’ve missed space. Not outer space. Living space. I miss walking around my home and not knocking into tables or armrests. Not hitting my shoulder on the doorsill. Having a backyard to look at (like I said, Texas, where the heat stops you from setting foot outside for anything over 1 minute). Stretching my arms out and not touching the corridor’s walls. Space.

My studio flat is very similar to this image, though smaller.

I also miss playing music loudly in the knowledge that the neighbors are too far away to hear it. Here, I can hear the couple next door make love. Which means they can probably hear me talking on the phone and everything else.

And I know they do because just the other day, a note was slipped through the door asking me to please not do any washing after 10PM. Guess what time I normally do the washing when I get home?

Yes, they did have a point, and yes, I was in the wrong, and yes, I should have known better. Yes.

So, once I cursed the day they were born (because I’m only human and I can't help being defensive at first) I decided I would be a good little Southern gentleman and post a note apologizing for my actions.

The next day, just as I was leaving for work, I noticed that the note I wrote on a small Turkish card I had leftover from my trip to Istanbul last year was on the floor, unread. Well, I only discovered that after I picked it up and noticed it was unopened. Yes, I was, again, in the defensive thinking “how dare they!!”. But they hadn’t dared, they just hadn’t noticed it.

So, again, I left it wedged in between the door and the doorframe. When I came home that night, it was gone. Had they read it, I hoped so. But had no clue.

One month later, or last Tuesday, this guy walked in when I was checking my mailbox downstairs.

“Are you our neighbor?”

I answered “Yes” expecting the worse.

We both got into the elevator.

“Oh, its great to meet you. We loved your card!”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I…”

“We thought ‘how wonderful to have a neighbor like you’, you know? People are so rude these days.”

“Thank you. But I was the rude one.”

“Oh, we were so pleased when we read your note. We couldn’t believe it! Nobody does that anymore. People are so selfish.”

“It’s very kind of you to say so, I feel really bad that I made so much noise, but you see...”

“Honestly, please feel free to count on us for anything you need. Anything at all.”

“I didn’t realize there were two of you.”

“Yes, my partner and I. We’ve been there for about a year now. But I travel a lot.” 

By now the elevator had reached our floor.

We said our goodbyes in the friendliest manner possible and I was feeling both good, for having had the kind of upbringing that would make note-writing to people you have bothered a necessity, and bad for having had the kind of life experience with humanity which makes you curse your neighbors for leaving you a note asking you not to do your washing late in the evening, and you thinking that that is the only time you have to do it but, alas, you will concede.

The thing is, right, that one of them had never been particularly friendly towards me ever. He’d seen me on the street, seen me leave home a couple of times, we’d even avoided taking the elevator going down once or twice.

And then he (or so I thought) left me a note saying the washing machine bothered him. A very polite note, I have to say. But by then I figured he really didn’t like me at all. 

So this turn of events towards the friendly and nice side of the Force really threw me. Of course now I wonder which of the two is the one that I didn’t think liked me much. In any case, it might be that he likes me a bit more now. Or not.

In my defense, I will say that when I first moved into the studio flat I call home, my neighbor at the time, this girl, knocked on my door at four in the afternoon one day because the music bothered her.

She was wearing a bathrobe, her hair was a mess, and she was really upset that I had dared to play music at …four in the afternoon, thus waking her up from her effing siesta du jour.

Evil, but ...

I was shocked at her request, but, of course, complied. For the next few months I was tempted to leave a note on her door asking her to climax a) less loudly or b) muzzled. 

Yes, for the next year and a half I could hear her orgasms at all hours of the day and night. And yes I was very tempted to say something about it…but never did. I honestly thought she might have been a hooker or something. 

But I think she was doing the same guy, who was probably married, which would explain the “all hours of the day” part of the equation.

So forgive me for thinking all neighbors are evil and must be destroyed. And yes, after our little elevator trip, I had to mentally recant all my previous curses.

I wonder if I need to fill out a form or something?

FACEBOOK, and other maps

AOG, Madrid

This is the new map of the world as influcenced by facebook. As you may gather from it, a lot of places have been left out. Here's a hi.res link to the facebook map.

Here's a link to they way facebook mapped the planet according to people's friends. 

So, what defines modernity? In facebook's case, about 500 million people and their pairs of friends.

The definition's landscape cannot escape the question, who is modern? 

But more importantly, who is not?

China isn't. Most of Africa is out. As is most of Brazil and the Islamic world.

And who is "modern"? 

No surprises there. The West. Europe, the US. Parts of Australasia. A thin line of Canada. Some Russian cities.

And the non-West? Japan, large bits of India.

Of course, if you think about it, the parts included are also the parts which hold most of our money, even though most of them don't get much air time on TV. 

At least not in the English-speaking world (so self-referencing!).

Is this map signifying something? 

In the XIX century, the British liked to redraw the political world and used to draw the British Isles rather engorged.

They were the dominant world power then.

I remember that in High School, maps always showed the US in the middle. Pride of place. 

It does not matter that it cuts Asia in half.

China does much the same.

 

Those of us who are not Chinese may find this interpretation of the planet as strange.

But it probably is just a question of adaptation. Why should they not be in the middle? They are the Middle Kingdom after all. 

I remember reading that the Emperor of China was upset when a Western General showed him a map of the planet. 

China -the Middle Kingdom because it was halfway between the heavens and the Earth- was not so big, when compared to others. 

But his main worry was that it was not in the middle. At the center. 

Rather, it was at the periphery of it all. 

How unlike today!

And Australia likes to show the world upside down (in a universe with no North or South).

Countries like to see themselves first. 

So narcissistic.

And at the top. 

North good. South, bad.

Haunted in Alabama

AOG, Madrid

It is a fact of modern life that the more gadgets we purchase to make our lives easier, the more complicated they become. How many of us are still in the process (20 years late) of setting the clock on the VCR? Or programming the thing? Hundreds, nay, thousands of us.

Technological companies, in their zeal to make us buy their products, normally add a zillion features which none of us really needs. Or wants.

I remember a few years ago when my sister bought me a mobile phone as a birthday gift. It was a Nokia clunker with a green screen and an antennae which stuck out on one side. Very de riguer at the time. I loved that phone.

You could change the cover to suit your mood. It stayed with me for years. Then, unfortunately, it broke. I don’t know what happened to it. It never came with me on vacation (unlike now) and it lived a pretty good life. I was very upset when I had to have it put down.

Given that, by then, I was hooked on wireless communication, like the rest of the planet, I had to find a replacement. My phone provider at the time (One to One, or as my sister lovingly called it, One to None) had accrued many points on my behalf.

It had also decided unilaterally to cancel my initial contract ( I used to get 30 minutes free calls per month for, I believe, ₤ 12.00 a month or something like that). I was incensed but they had a plan. I could get an upgrade of up to ₤80. Right. What a nightmare that turned out to be.

I went to local phone house on Victoria street in London. And so it began. First obstacle- price plans. “You get 350 free minutes every month and 30 free texts for ₤ 45 a month”. No.

“We can offer you 20 personal numbers that you can call for a reduced rate and 25 free texts, and 100 free minutes”. “If I don’t use the minutes, do they carry over to the next month” “NO!” Then No. At the time, I didn’t have 20 people who I would call that often. I still don’t. Do normal people do? But I digress…

So it went for hours. I cannot recall what plan I choose. It didn’t matter. Either way I was a puppet in their hands.

Once the plan was chosen, thus began the choosing of the phone. My original model had been discontinued long ago. So I had to pick up a new one.

“Basic, not too heavy”, said I foolishly. “We have this model for ₤ 99.99” No.

“This model comes with X, Y, Z, and it can connect you to the universe if you want it to”.

“How much does a connection to the universe cost?” “On your price plan, ₤3,000.00 per minute”.

No.

“What does this one do?”

“That one is a direct line with God and the President of Nike Sports”.

“Oh…how much? I like the color”

“₤700.00 and it comes with an earplug free of charge!” No.

Eventually, I settled on an Eriksson that had a tiny little joystick in the middle. If possible, even more plasticky that the Nokia. But lighter, and smaller. And it had games.

Then one day that phone broke just outside the Isle of Wight on a ferry. So the whole cycle started again.

I will short hand it. “Do you have one that just makes calls and has no features?” “NO!”.

So now I am on my 4^th phone and my 3^rd Mobile (cell) phone company. Can do hundreds of things, including taking bad quality photographs and the ability to somehow play MP3 files if I ever get around to conjuring the Mobile Phone Gods to show me how to hook up the thing to the computer to download some music.

Something I dread doing. I am still recovering from the whole iPod fiasco.

Yesterday, I was talking to a friend in Alabama. He has moved home to a nice large house outside Auburn, Alabama. He’s there for a year. And, oh yes, the place is haunted he tells me assuredly. About 12 years ago a woman died in that house, and the lady is manifesting herself through modern day telecommunications and IT apparatus.

She plays havoc on his computers, cell phones (mobiles) etc. Things come on and off at random. It would appear that the Tivo is too advanced for her to tamper with. At least for now.

I know one day I’ll get a call because the microwave answered the phone and blew a fuse whilst trying to download a movie on the laptop which sits next to the television which switched itself off as my friend was about to call me across the ocean whilst sitting on his Jacuzzi.

Such is modern life.

The modern world...and Spain...Part 1

AOG, Madrid

When I began coming to Spain regularly in 2005, I remember that the press were slightly miffed at accusations made by an American writer concerning their country’s place in the First World. I cannot remember her name, but I recall she found the state of Spain’s basic services a bit, well, basic.

She even went to say that Spain was a bit of a Third World country in many ways. The Spanish do not like to hear this. Nobody does, unless they are the ones insulting their country.

This week they got a good chance to do so.

A fire in one of Barcelona’s power plants made sure that the city of Barcelona, Spain’s second largest city, and one of the largest urban areas in the Mediterranean, was without power for about 60 hours. Not all of it, and not for 60 hours straight, but the power blackout lasted that long.

Around 350.000 people were affected by the power shortage altogether. And the whole city was a mess.

70% of the stoplights were out, so policemen went on traffic duty. However, there were not enough of them to go around. The, the citizens of Barcelona went on a public protest using pots and pans, emulating Argentina's "cacerolada" protests not too long ago. This is August, and Spain is very hot in August. They all had a point.

Then, the trains that connect Barcelona with its suburbs and adjoining towns, also broke down partially. In a famous case, people were stuck in a train for over 2 hours without air conditioning until the Fire Department allowed them out and they walked to the nearest station.

And then it happened again, and on the same day that the Minister responsible for the country’s infrastructures visited Barcelona with some money under her arm and the usual promises Governments in a pickle tend to dish out when in need.

Then Summer happened

August is sacred in Spain. The entire country lulls to a halt and goes on vacation. Some by plane, some by train, some by boat, and some by car. And in the first week of August, the traffic outside Barcelona was so heavy - creating a 70 kilometer tail back- that the Generalitat, Catalonia’s regional government, was “forced” (here I have to chuckle a bit) to close the toll gate and let the people through.

There has been an ongoing argument between the local and the national government concerning all sorts of infrastructure problems in the region. The Minister, not one to take the blame, said that the chaos in the railways was due to the high speed train link with Madrid being built in and outside the city.

About a month ago Spain’s Prime Minister promised Madrid and Barcelona would be connected by Christmas day, 2007. Originally the date was sometime in 2008.


Never mind that this high speed link is about 10 years late in coming. But, of course, next Spring, Spain will hold a general election. The first since the Socialists came to power 3 days after a terrorist attack by Al Qaeda which many say put them there. And Catalonia, like Andalucia, is a Socialist stronghold. Has been since democracy returned to Spain in 1978. These days, the opposition are calling for the head of Señora Magdalena Álvarez, the Minister in question.

Don't get me started on the Internet

Did the American writer have a point? I think in some ways, yes. She did. Aside from these infrastructure problems, Spain also ranks very low on Internet speed.

Acording to iTWire, Japan, (not the US) is the number one country in the world; it has an average broadband download time of 61 megabits per second. South Korea is second with 45.6 megabits per second. Sweden is third at 18, France, fourth at 17, and Canada fifth at 7 megabits per second. In Spain, at home, I have 2 Mgs. And not all the time, only some of the time. And that is considered fast.

In the North, the Asturian Government is installing an internet speed of 100 Mgs. But only in Asturias. The rest of the country will have to wait. It will be operative by September. However, Asturias is not the country’s most connected area. So it’s a bit like saying everyone in Bandera, Texas, is connected to the Internet. And the rest of Texas? Oh, that’s a different issue. And Bandera only has 3 cowboys who own a PC. Semi ditto for Asturias.

Nowhere is perfect

However, Spain is not alone in this fight with the modern world. I have just left the UK, where, if you read the press on any random day, things are worse off than in Spain. Trains that don't run because of (one of my favorites) "leaves on the tracks", or that are constantly delayed, London tube being outdated, as well as very expensive (one stop in zone one is almost 8 euros- or about $9 USD), Heathrow being a total mess, etcetera etcetera...

When I came to live in Spain, I was told that it was best not to leave appliances and televisions /laptops, on if I was not in the house. A power surge might damage them. Everyone in Spain has a story to tell concerning power surges and the death of a beloved television, or a microwave.

I know eventually Spain will join the rest of First World Europe and install an Internet speed like Korea’s. Or better. It is just that, for some reason, Europeans are always so reluctant to embrace modernity. In that respect, Spain is very First World. It is also refreshing that they complain about things. All the time. Much like the French, only in Spain, they have more of a point. I tend to think French unions are designed to give everyone a week or two off extra every year because of a strike.

In the meantime, the Spanish laugh it off and complain moderately at how their country lags behind a bit, but is catching up.

The modern world strikes again

AOG, Madrid

I have just heard on Spanish radio the story of a woman in New Zealand who has died after her electricity company, Mercury Energy, turned off the power to her home because the light bill had not been paid.

The woman in question was connected to an electric oxygen pump to breathe, and although her family tried to stop the power being switched off, the engineer who had been called out only responded that he had to do his job.

It is reported that he even went inside the house to see the situation for himself. And that he switched the power off anyway. This strikes me as completely inhuman, though I don't have all the facts and, as they say, there are two sides to every story. Nonetheless, I can't help but wonder about what was going through that man's head when he carried out his orders.

Here is a link to the story as told in Australia. Not many European papers carry the story yet. It is only 13:12 right now. It may change.

According to her family, she owed Mercury Energy 168.40 New Zealand dollars (US$122).

Folole Muliaga, 44, a schoolteacher with four children aged 5 to 20, had been off work since February with an illness and fell behind in her payments to Mercury. Her husband had taken time off from work to care for her.

The company are said to be "devastated by the woman's death and was conducting its own investigation to determine what happened", according to Mercury Energy's general manager, James Moulder.

Well, what do they think happened?

And already, modernity has begun to exude impunity left, right and center:

Auckland University professor of law Bill Hodge said manslaughter charges could potentially could be filed, depending on what information Mercury Energy had and how it was expressed to them.

Well, how does Professor Hodge think Mercury Energy were informed? Smoke signals? And what information does he think the company will admit to having if this goes to court?

Unfortunately, by this weekend, this poor woman's death will be old news. Until the next time something like this happens.

Once again, a life has fallen by the wayside in humanity's attempt to reach complete modernity. What's a life when faced with corporate greed, inhuman call centers, robotic taped messages. In order to better the lives of our species, we have lost the human touch completely.

Once our species achieves modernity, will there be anyone of us left to see it?